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NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE INTERVIEW WITH LARRY

November 28, 2001

Interviewed by Loni Parrott


NDE from an excellent interview by Loni Parrott, from the Friends of IANDS (FOI) group in Iowa City Iowa (contact Loni for further information). Remarkable NDE after-effects. Other FOI leaders are encouraged to share NDE accounts with NDERF, subject, of course, to appropriate confidentiality concerns.

Larry is a married man. He is retired, and his religious preference is protestant.

Q. Give me a brief description of the circumstances of your near-death experience.

A. It was about 5 years ago, in August, about 5:30 in the morning on highway 151. I was driving the car, it’s early morning, it’s foggy. I’m taking my wife, Kathy, to work at her job in (deleted). We lived in (deleted). It’s a distance of 7 miles. All of a sudden I didn’t feel right. I pulled over on the gravel side, I got out and Kathy got out. I walked around the back of the truck, shook my head, tried to get some air. I said, “I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t feel right.” She said, “Do you want me to drive?” I said, “No, no, I can drive.” We get back in the truck, I pull out, and I don’t know how far I went, maybe only 2-3-4 blocks on the highway, and I pull over again. I told Kathy, “I think you’d better drive. I’m getting weak and dizzy spells. I don’t know what’s going on.” So I get in on the passenger side, and she’s driving.

The part I’m going to tell you now, I can remember bits and pieces, but I’m going to tell you what Kathy told me happened. I’m getting dizzy and things are getting blacker and blacker, and I’m getting tunnel vision… I remember blacking out. Boom! Everything went 90,000 miles an hour. Boom! She’s driving, okay? I can hear her voice. “What’s wrong with you? Come on, wake up!” I can hear her yelling and screaming at me. She was panicked. Here’s the part she told me: I started flopping around in the truck. My arm got caught in the steering wheel. She didn’t know what to do. She’s trying to drive to work and it’s foggy. She’s trying to hold me back. She put her hand on my neck to feel the pulse. The next thing she said, I was out. Boom. I just stopped flopping and everything.

Now, the part I remember is when I’m talking to her. It’s kinda hard to explain. She’s yelling, and I thought I was talking to her, and I told her, “You gotta go on in life without me. I’m in a different place now. There’s nothing I can do for you. I’m here and you’re here. I’m someplace else where I have no idea. Just keep on driving and you’ll make it. I gotta go now. Goodbye!” I was talking and I thought she was listening to me. I thought I was alive. She says I was not talking, and I thought I was.

I’m in the cab of the truck--above the cab of the truck, looking down at myself. I’m in a fetal position, all curled up, and I don’t know where I’m at. I could see her driving the truck, I could see my grey shorts and grey tank top. I could see myself, and I KNEW I was in a different place. This happened in a seven mile span. Then I came out of it just a touch. I remember her running into the police station, but nobody was there, so she went on to her work. I remember opening the passenger side door, and I have no idea where I’m at. I didn’t recognize the building or the parking lot. So she ran in and called 911, and here comes the fire department. All I can remember is the fire department saying, “He’s dead. You’d better call an ambulance because he’s gone. Code red.” Next thing I know, I’m in this ambulance, and they’re taking me to the hospital. The ambulance came to the parking lot, and put the paddles on me, boom boom, and nothing happened. I heard them say, “There’s a sheriff’s car coming from (deleted), and the sheriff’s a paramedic. The ambulance stopped to meet him, and I look up as he’s loosening his tie. He says, “Are you on drugs?” I have oxygen on my face, but I’m saying, “No, no!” He starts putting IVs in me.

I’m going to back up now. When I was hovering over the top of myself, all of a sudden I knew I was in a different world. I wasn’t here on earth any more, the reason being, all of a sudden, I see Christmas tree lights, all white lights--thousands of them. Then it got really quiet and calm. After it got calm, my body started going about 90 miles an hour, and all of a sudden my life started passing in front of my eyes. It went from a little pink dot, and it was like a deck of cards being flipped so fast, that’s how fast this was going. You can’t stop it. That’s how fast my life was passing before my eyes. It was a continuous motion picture, passing non-stop. I could see myself. I was probably 8 years old, holding a little beebee gun. Then suddenly I see this oil well I used to play on in the back yard. Here’s me in the Marine Corps, holding a rifle. Armed forces. Zip! That was it! It went that fast! Then here I am, looking at this orange and yellow ball. And it’s scary. I don’t know where the hell I’m at, but it’s beautiful. All of a sudden, it’s like tunnel vision—I’m looking down this tunnel. This little pink light went to a greenish-blue light. That’s when my life was passing. Then I’m up here looking at this orange and yellow ball, that was soft--it was hot-- looking into a tunnel. Everything’s quiet, dead quiet, but it’s peaceful. I have no idea, but I know I’m not on earth. I know! All of a sudden, there was this voice. It wasn’t male or female, it wasn’t nice, or soft. You’ve heard of impersonators. Impersonators can’t imitate this voice. The reason is there’s only one voice like that. When you hear this, voice, you KNOW this voice. I cannot describe this voice. It wasn’t strong; it wasn’t mean; it wasn’t soft. It was a voice! I cannot explain this voice. And I couldn’t turn my head, because this voice was talking to me. I cannot remember what it was saying. I do remember the voice saying to me, “You’ve got to go back. We’re not ready for you.” I wanted to turn my head and look at this voice, but I couldn’t see it. It was dark, it was black and beautiful, the orange ball, the lights, my life passing before my eyes. Next thing I know I’m back! This thing went fast! Instead of my life going forward, it went in reverse. I was going backwards now. All these lights, and the orange and yellow faded. It’s gone.

Now I’m back at the hospital--the ambulance, the gurney, and I’m coming to on the gurney, and I’m looking at these people, and I’m out of here! Boom! I had no blood pressure. They said I was gone. Then I was coming back. I was sweaty and cold, and my mouth was going 90 miles an hour, and I started telling this doctor what happened. I said, “I just saw the tunnel, the light, the voice!” He said, “You’re fine, Larry.” He left the room, and everything started going black again. The doctor came back in and started pushing on my chest. When I told him about what happened, the doctor said, “I’m a medical doctor and I don’t believe in this stuff, but from what you’re telling me, you just had a near-death experience.” My mouth was going 90 miles an hour!

I told the doctor I want to go to the VA Hospital. He said, “Well, you’re going to have to sign a release. We’d have to transport you from the hospital to the VA in Iowa City and we’re not responsible if you die on the way.” I said, I’m not worried about that. I wanted to go see Tod, the chaplain, so I could talk to him. He’s been a friend and we’ve had some really good talks.

So they’re rushing me to Iowa City in this ambulance, and I keep blacking out. They put me in the emergency room, and I told them my symptoms and that the doctor said I had a near-death experience. The nurse said, “We don’t really believe in that. You must have had a drug reaction.” I said I’m not on any drugs!

As they’re taking me to the elevator, who should be standing there, but Tod! I said, “Tod, I gotta talk to you! I had a near-death experience and I gotta talk to you.” He told me he’d be right up. So they put me in my room, and I’m waiting for him, but they give me some medication and I’m out. Twenty-four hours, and I’m out. When I woke up, I looked on my pillow, and there were two books about the near-death experience. I told the nurse I wanted to see Tod! I was so weak, but I said, “I’m going to get out of this bed!” The nurses didn’t even see me as I walked by the nurse’s station. I went all the way downstairs on the elevator, with those gowns they dressed me in. There’s Tod standing by the elevator! Then he came up to my room, and before he came in the room, I knew what he was going to ask me. I knew word for word what he was going to say. I said, “No, Tod, I don’t know about your daughter. I didn’t see her up there.” His daughter was killed, and I knew he was going to ask me about her. I told him about everything, and he asked if he could send someone who works in the kitchen up to talk to me. Some things happened in this man’s family, and he’s interested.

I read 2 or 3 chapters in the book, and I found I was reading about myself! I thought, “This is interesting! I’m reading about myself!” This guy from the kitchen knocks at the door, and he got two feet in the door, and I thought, “Uh-oh.” I knew what he was going to ask. I’d never seen him before in my life, but I knew his son was killed by a shotgun before he even walked in the room. It was like picking his brain, but it was so simple. Just boom! I knew what he would say before he said it! I’m thinking, “What is this near-death experience, all this weird stuff is happening to me!” It gets spookier! He says, “I had a son that got killed on a hunting trip.” (I knew, but I didn’t dare say that.) “Did you see him up there?” I said, “No, I just heard a voice, I didn’t see your son up there.” What he meant when he asked the question was, “I would love to change places with you, so I could go see my son.” I knew what he meant. I knew before he even said that! He wanted to change places so he could do some looking around to find his son.

This knowing went on for a month. I knew what people were going to say before they said it, and it was getting spooky because I could tell what people were thinking. For example, I could go to a Bishop’s Cafeteria, and I could look over at people and know what they were thinking! I told my wife, Kathy, “If you could hear what I’m hearing!” She told me, “Don’t talk like this. People won’t understand.” She got to the point where she didn’t understand me, but I got to the point where I knew what people were thinking without their mouths open! As this went along, when I’d pick up a magazine or something, it wasn’t like when you and I pick one up. I was seeing something in a magazine that nobody else could see. I’d look at it and everything was in three dimensions--everything was away from the page. You know how you wear those little glasses in a movie for three dimension. It was like that. I thought, “This guy’s not on the page—he’s out here!” When I told the doctors, they sent me down to have my eyes checked. They ordered me new glasses, but it was still three dimension, no matter what I picked up! This went on for quite awhile, but it did finally go away. It was spooky. I still don’t know why I’m back here. I haven’t a clue. All I can tell you is I KNOW what happened!

Back in the life passing before my eyes, there was nothing left out. It was going fast. I knew that was my life. It was like somebody put on a reel in a motion picture, and they speeded up the film. Your life! Your whole life! There was nothing spliced or cut out. It was your whole life, from the day you were born, to the time you went to kindergarten, to when you stole a piece of bubble gum out of the dime store. It was continuous! Driving cars, stealing hubcaps, having sex. Nothing was left out! It was the whole life! It happened just on the way from (deleted) to (deleted) where Kathy worked. The taller I got, the bigger the picture got! I thought I was gone. I knew I was in a different place. I was watching myself, my whole life. I couldn’t see anybody around me, just me. Nobody was in the background or anything. It was just my life. Nobody was involved but me. That was my own film.

Q. Was this experience difficult to put into words?

A. It’s just hard. It all depends on who you talk to. Some people I wouldn’t dare tell the story to. Some people I start talking about the near-death experience, and Kathy said, “Hey!” It embarrasses her. If people would just let people talk and tell people, but even my own wife doesn’t want me to tell anybody.

One thing I did learn from this is that I got something given to me and I don’t know what it is. This is fact. I was given something. I don’t know how to use it. I don’t know what I was given. I was given the gift to hear the Voice that nobody else has heard. It was given to me. Try to understand what I’m going to tell you. I can’t sell it. I can’t give it away. I can’t show anyone. It’s mine and I can’t describe it very well. And I can’t put it on video so that someone could see it. I was given something nobody else has got! I can’t even put it on film and sell it in a market. You’d have to see what I really did see! It exists, but it doesn’t exist. I wish that I could communicate it, but I CANT! When The Man gave it to me, he said, “Go do what you want with it, Larry.” But you can’t get rid of it. It’s mine!

I KNOW what I’ve seen, and no one’s going to take it away from me. I know the Voice, I know it! But I can’t describe it. It hurts me! I can’t imitate it. There’s only one voice like that. The Man himself. You can’t be a second to him. He’s the one.

Q. Did you hear any other sounds in your near-death experience?

A. Dead quiet.

Q. Did you feel as though you were moving?

A. No.

Q. Did you feel you were separate from your body?

A. In the truck, when I was looking down. Then I was separate from my body. Then I left there and whooshed up, then I was out here and it was quiet. Tranquility. I’ve already left here. I didn’t know what to think, looking at the body. I knew that was me, and I knew I was gone.

Q. Did you feel any connection between you and your body?

A. I knew that was me. That was my only connection.

Q. What were your perceptions of time?

A. This is the part – the seven mile trip—it seemed very fast. The time the voice was talking to me, that was slow; especially the life passing, the tunnel, the ball, that was slow, because I had a chance to look at that. The little white lights, that was slow. Then it got black and that was slow. It was pitch black for awhile. But it was like I was a distance away, looking back at earth. Whoosh. It was like I was going 90miles an hour.

Q. How was your vision and hearing in that state?

A. Fantastic! I could see the lights and the darkness. It was like I was looking through the darkness! I was looking and looking and it was all black, but I could still see it. It was still black at the other end of the darkness.

Q. Were you lonely?

A. No. I knew I was alone because I couldn’t see anyone. But the Voice was over here, so I wasn’t alone.

Q. Did you encounter any others, either living or dead?

A. Nobody. Everyone asks me that.

Q. How did you feel in the presence of the Voice?

A. At times I was scared because I didn’t know where I was. He kept kind of assuring me, “You’re okay, you’re okay.” But he wouldn’t let me look at him! “We’re not ready for you yet, Larry. You’re going to go back.” I wanted to look at him and say something else like, “Oh man, I don’t wanna go back. Let me talk to you.” But he was doing all the talking, and I was listening.

Q. If you could have spoken, would you have said you didn’t want to go back?”

A. I didn’t want to go back. My mouth was shut! My mouth was closed and I was listening.

Q. How do you interpret that you couldn’t turn to look?

A. It felt like a force. The voice did not want me to look at who was doing the speaking. I was not supposed to see who was doing the talking. There’s no way I could have seen it because it was too strong. I was meant not to see it and that’s just the way it was. It was gentle, I knew, but I was looking straight ahead and listening.

Q. What did you perceive of the lights?

A. I thought I was in heaven, looking through the galaxy, is what it looked like to me. It looked like I was out here. I’ve left this. I’m no longer here. I’m someplace else, like I was out in space. Away from my body.

Q. Any demons or frightening spirits?

A. No. Except at first it was frightening because I had no idea where I was, and I was scared to death. I knew I was dead when my life passed. I wasn’t worried I was going to hell or heaven. Whatever it is, I knew I must be okay because I’m still thinking straight and I knew what was going on.

Q What did you feel you learned from seeing your life go by like that?

A. That when I get back to wherever I’m going, I’m going to take life more serious. In other words, don’t wake up in the morning and see a bird and take that poor little bird for granted. Before, when people would talk to me I would say, “Yeah, okay…” But now when people talk to me, I listen to every word they say. I have more compassion for people. I don’t take things for granted any more. This will sound like I’m contradicting myself. I used to hear what I wanted to hear. But now I listen to everything you say. And I don’t look at a bird as a bird, I look at a bird as a human. But. Everything I see here now is not real any more. Nothing I see is really real. What I saw over there was real. This (life) is like an imitation, because I saw the “real McCoy.” I do take things more seriously and listen more, but I don’t take it for real. It’s not as real as what I saw. But I still listen and watch the waitresses pour my coffee but it’s not real. Every time I pick up a magazine or watch TV, I know it’s material things, but it’s not real.

Q. How did the life review communicate that to you?

A. I don’t know. Just what I saw was real. This is not real.

Q. You look at everything as more valuable in a way, and yet you know it’s not real.

A. It’s not real.

Q. Did you approach any boundary or limit?

A. No.

Q. Did you want to come back to your body, to your life?

A. No. I was told I had to go back.

Q. How did you feel when you found yourself back in your body?

A. I wondered what in the world happened to me! Then when the doctors told me I had a near-death experience, then I knew. I’d heard about them, but I didn’t know about them. Then I thought, “I got one of them! Now what do I do about it!” Then I started looking at things, and everything was in 3-D on top of it. And before the doctor diagnosed me, I knew what was going to come out of his mouth, but I didn’t dare tell him! I already knew what he was going to say.

This is funny. I was in the mall one time. This guy and this woman were going by and she’s thinking about her boyfriend! Another time, a waitress came and she wasn’t talking to me, but I knew she and the cook were having an argument in back and I knew all about it. She wasn’t going to say anything to me.

Q. So were you disappointed to be back in your body?

A. I just accepted it. Next time I go, I know what to expect. I’m not scared of death anymore. I’m not, because I’ve already been there!

Q. How did you get back into your body?

A. I have no idea how I got back in, but my chest really hurt. I had a lot of pressure on my chest.

Q. Do you have any idea why you didn’t die?

A. I was sent back and I was supposed to do something, and I don’t know what. I don’t know what. I’m here, and I don’t know if it’s supposed to jump out at me and I’ll know. I haven’t a clue. I haven’t a clue! Maybe I’m supposed to save somebody from getting hit by a car, or something, but I know I’m here for a reason. I know this, but don’t ask me how I know, because I know. I don’t know how I know, but I’ve got to be here. I haven’t a clue.

Q. When you were watching your life, was there any judgment of you?

A. No. The whole reel of film just told me where I’ve been and what I’ve done. “This is you, Larry. Here you are. What are you going to do with it now?”

Q. Did you feel shame, or joy?

A. It was like I knew that was me, and I was excited--emotional, maybe is the word. I was worried. I knew I was already dead, and here I go. I’m just waiting til the end of the film and it’s over. Boom! That was it. “This is your life, and what you did, and boom! It’s over. Now you’re up here with the stars and the ball, and here you are. Then the voice said you gotta go back. He was letting me know this is the end. You don’t have much left, Larry, so we’re going to send you back. There’s a reason, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I know that I’m here for a reason, but I don’t know.

Q. You told someone very soon after you woke up.

A. The first doctor said, “I’m a medical doctor. I shouldn’t believe in this stuff. But Larry, I believe in you because I’ve talked to other doctors who’ve heard it. You’re the first one I’ve talked to. We’re not supposed to believe in this, but it happens.” He was on my side but he’s not supposed to be on my side.

Q. Did talking to others help you gain any clarity in your mind?
A. I wanted to tell everybody about it. But some people would listen, and say, “Well, okay…” and I knew what they were thinking that they didn’t believe me, but I couldn’t tell them I knew what they were thinking. Then I could cut it short, and just say, “Well, it happens,” and we’d go do something else.

Q. You talked to the chaplain, Tod, about it?

A. Yes. He knew that I knew what I was talking about.

Q. Would you say this experience happened to you for a reason?

A. Yes. I’m supposed to do something. There’s a reason. That’s my belief.

Q. Did it affect your sense of purpose in living?

A. Yes, I want to know why I’m back here.

Q. Any new outlook on life?

A. Yes. I take things more seriously now, but nothing’s real, it’s all material.

Q. Did it have any effect on the direction of your life?

A. Yes and no. Everything’s the same, but I’m working more with the vets now. I do more with them than to just send my dues in. I’m enjoying every bit of it. If I had to do it 24 hours a day, I’d do it. We’ve got a memorial I’m working on.

Q. Did it change your attitudes or feelings about yourself?

A. In a way it made me feel stronger about myself. I’m not a nobody, I’m really a somebody, but I just can’t prove I’m a somebody. This is just on the inside. You don’t going around bragging. I’m a somebody because I’ve got something nobody else’s got. I didn’t realize it until a little bit after it, and you get your bearings. At the time you don’t realize it.

Q. Did it effect how you relate to other people?

A. I listen more. My wife probably thinks I’m the same because she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t want to talk about it. She doesn’t want any part of it. I don’t know if other’s spouses understand them either.

Q. Has it changed your desire to help others?

A. Yes, pay attention to others. Don’t overdo it, but don’t let’em take advantage of others.

Q. Did it change your ability to express love for others?

A. Yes.

Q. Your acceptance of others as they are?

A. Yes. Before I accepted others, but now even more so. As an example, I don’t believe in what bin Laden did to the World Trade Center towers, because that was horrible. We’ve got to get rid of that clown, but I also don’t believe in going over to kill any more people. Two wrongs don’t make a right. There’s other ways we can settle this. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s how I feel.

Q. Did it have any effect on your religious or spiritual beliefs?

A. No, I’m still the same as I was.

Q. Did it affect your church attendance.

A. No.

Q. How did it affect your inner feelings about God?

A. I still believe in him, and I did before. But the part I don’t understand. I wasn’t a religious nut, I’m just me, Joe Blow, an old construction worker, walking down the street, drinking beer at night in the bar with the guys--good old fist fight. Why he picked me I don’t know.

Q. Do you think that was God’s voice you heard?

A. Yes. It was The Man.

Q. Did you fear death before?

A. No, I never thought of it. They don’t know if I had a seizure, a stroke, or a heart attack. It came back inconclusive. They don’t know what happened to me. That’s the reason they asked me if I was on drugs. I quit drinking in 1991. I don’t do street drugs. I hadn’t taken my medication because it was too early.

Q. Did you recover fairly quickly?

A. I was in the hospital for about a week, but when I got home, it took me awhile to get my bearings. Even on the TV set, and I couldn’t read, because everything was in 3D. When I looked at TV it wasn’t real. I lost interest in TV because it wasn’t real. I was kind of in my own world. Nothing was real, and it’s still not. But when it happened, it was MORE unreal. The only thing that was real was what happened to me. I’m real here, with my skin and body, but I’m not as REAL as that was.

Q. What is your understanding of death?

A. I have an idea. You’re going to go to a nice place. A real place. This is not real. You’re going to be in the REAL world. This is where you’re at for now. You’re going to go to the REAL world.

Q. Do you have any feelings about reincarnation?

A. I don’t know anything about that. I’m not a reader, but I’d read a book about the near-death experience, because it happened to me. I’ve probably read five. I only read the newspaper, the sports page.

Q. Did you experience any changes in your psychic abilities?
A. In the beginning I could tell what people would say before they even said anything. And the 3D thing! I got new glasses to pacify them, but it didn’t change the 3D. It was spooky, just one of those things that happen.

Q. Did you have any precognitions?

A. Yes, I had all kinds of little things like that that happen to me. Before someone knocked on the door, I knew they were coming. When a car pulled up, I knew my buddies were going to show up. The phone would ring. I knew it would ring and who was calling. I still do know, but not as much as I did.

Q. Do you feel you had any changes in your learning ability?

A. Yes, my learning ability did improve! This is hard to explain. Like when it comes to business, and I don’t know anything about business, but something popped in there when it comes to business! I explained this to my doctor. Things like this have been happening to me. (Tells story about how he bought some land in an unusual way.) Years ago, I could never think like this, how to do things. And it worked!

Q. So your mind works a little differently?

A. Yeah!

Q. A little more creatively?

A. Yeah! Completely differently! The stuff I come up with that I never thought of before, and it works!

Q. Before your near-death experience, did you ever feel you were in touch with spirits or guides?

A. Sometimes and sometimes not. In fourth grade….we played the game “Hide the Eraser” when it was raining outside. (Tells story of how every time a child hid an eraser, he always knew right where it was. The teacher accused him of cheating, and took him to the principal’s office, where he said, “I’m not cheating.” He got the principal to pick a number between 1 and 10, and Larry guessed it every time. He was sent home with a note, and his mother came to school to see the teacher and principal. But he never found out what was discussed about his ability. Later, in the service, at one point he was playing cards, and he knew every card the others had in their hands. He had the others hide a pencil, and Larry knew where it was every time. They took him to talk to the doctor “to see what was wrong with him.” The doctor told him he was okay.

Q. So you have had psychic abilities.

A. Off and on, not all the time. It depends on the mood I’m in. I can’t make it come. It just happens. The older I get the less it does it.

Q. What do you feel about suicide?

A. I don’t think they should do that. They should just let it naturally happen. Don’t rush it. I’m not sure where they would go.

Q. What do you now understand death to be?

A. It’s a dimension. You’ve already been here. Now you’re going to go into this dimension, this completely new world. That’s how I look at it.

Q. Did you believe in heaven or hell before this experience?

A. When I was a kid. You have to be a good little kid and you’ll go to heaven; if you’re a bad little boy, you’ll go to hell.

Q. Now do you believe in heaven and hell?

A. Yes. Everybody’s going to go to heaven!

Q. What about hell?

A. I didn’t have that experience, so I don’t even know what that’s like.

Q. Do you feel there could be a hell?

A. Yes. Wherever it is. Some probably would. I’m not too much into religion. I don’t know too much about it. I was probably the biggest renegade that walked the streets, and I went to a good place. I know I didn’t lead the best life. I wasn’t a Bible pounder; I was just a construction worker, a stupid Marine.

Q. So if you could get there and have that experience, then anybody could?

A. I guess. It depends on what The Man tells you. If you’re out here killing people everyday, I don’t think you’re going to go. Or like bin Laden, I know where’s he’s going, he’s already got a place for him; he doesn’t know it, but he’s already gone.

Q. Have you read the Bible since?

A. I never read the Bible.

Q. Before it happened, had you heard of the near-death experience?

A. Very little--a little on TV. But I never thought it would happen to me. Never in a million years, and then it happened. I’m just going to die a natural death and probably go to hell. No really. That’s exactly how I felt.

Q. People who have NDEs come back so changed by it, they sometimes have marital difficulty. Did you have marital changes?

A. We’ve always had problems, now we have worse problems. But it has nothing to do with that; maybe it has something to do with it….

Q. Would you say that you are more sound or light sensitive than you were before?

A. Noises bother me.

Q. Have you ever felt you had energy coming from your hands?

A. From my body! My body is radiating more. There’s more radiating. Before, there was probably this much radiation (about an inch) and now I’ve got this much (about 4 inches). I just know. I sense it. It’s positive, I guess. I feel spurts of energy.

Q. Would you describe this as being a “growth event” for you?

A. It did change me, on the inside. I just know things. It’s so hard to explain.

Q. Another experiencer I talked to told me, “I don’t know what I know. Ask me questions!”

A. I agree with her 100%. You should have seen me right after it happened! I thought, “This is neat!” First it was scary, but then I came down to earth a little bit, and I still feel that….

Q. Another experiencer I talked to said it’s almost like she has someone watching over her, helping her. Do you ever feel that?

A. Does she talk to them?

Q. I didn’t ask her that!

A. I do. I don’t know who’s here helping me, but someone is here. Absolutely. Absolutely. There’s somebody or something…once in a while I talk to them. I say, “Thanks a lot, you were right!” Let’s say I want to back the car out of the driveway, and this voice says don’t do it. Say I shun it. This has happened to me! You shun it, you don’t listen, the next thing you know, you’re backing over something. If I listen to this voice, it never fails! So help me, God! If I listen to it, it works.

Q. Is it actually a voice you hear?

A. It’s not like you and I are talking. It’s a voice inside that tells you. I had it a little bit when I was younger, but not like now. Now it’s really strong. And I laugh to myself, “Yeah, it was right again!” Listen to that voice, because it’s always 100%. I hear it, maybe once a day.

Q. Is there anything else about your near-death experience that we didn’t cover?

A. Nothing is real. It’s real, but it’s not real. That stays with me. I take people seriously. I don’t take problems so seriously. Like my truck—I ran into a deer. I didn’t take it seriously. I don’t need a truck! Before my near-death experience, I worried –a worry-wart, oh man! I’m more relaxed about it. I know everything will be all right.

The near-death experience is so hard to explain. This is not real. This is man-made, human-made. That is not man-made. That’s real. But I still don’t know what I’m doing. I haven’t a clue. I do know that when you get there (to the other side) you’ve gotta talk to someone. I was doing the listening. You listen! It was a strong authority; it was a soft authority. It was guiding—the choice is yours. What do you want to do?
The love was there, but I didn’t go into the light.

Thanks to NDERF.com

Experience description:

Shortly after my first few sips of my morning coffee on the day in question, I felt an odd discomfort in my upper chest, rather like one feels when one swallows something that doesn't quite "go down." I drank some water, but the sensation did not lessen. To the contrary, over the next hour or so it increased and I felt quite tired and physically ill-at-ease. However, I had a very important project to complete at work that morning -- one which one of my co-workers needed done as soon as possible for a critical case on which we were both working. So, despite feeling progressively more unwell, I decided to go to work, get the project done and then, likely, return home.

It was quite difficult getting to work. My usual ten-minute walk to the subway took nearly twice as long, and for once I actually rode the escalators rather than walking down or up them. When I reached my office I was feeling very weak, but tried to set about completing the project. Shortly thereafter, I simply became too weak to continue, and the pain in my upper chest had both worsened and spread to my right arm and my neck. I spoke with one of the attorneys I work with and he was immediately concerned by both my appearance and symptoms and said I should go to the hospital at once. One of my co-workers took me by cab to the hospital (I had refused to allow them to call 911).

During the trip, I was extremely concerned that the project I had come in to complete remained unfinished and that I had left my co-worker in the lurch. (This is important to my particular case later on.)

After getting into a wheelchair brought one of the hospital personnel, I passed out in the emergency room and awoke briefly, lying on my back with numerous people bending over me removing my clothing and pasting various little white tabs to my chest. I had been in moderate, but not agonizing, pain for approximately two and a half hours and was rather weary of the entire sequence of events. I remember saying to myself "This is becoming *very* boring."

Suddenly I distinctly heard a very odd sound -- between a "pop" and a "snap" -- which seemed to originate *within* the upper rear area of the right side of my head, approximately one and one-half inches above and slightly behind the top of my ear. My consciousness, I discovered, was now outside my body. I initially wondered whether I was dreaming, since the experience was somewhat similar to lucid dreaming which I had practiced with some success for the past several years.

However, I told myself that I could not be dreaming since I was not and had not been asleep. I simultaneously realized that the annoying pain was completely gone and, most surprisingly, that I could see my "surroundings" very clearly. I was amazed by this in that, without my glasses, I do not see too clearly at all. I also felt wonderfully alert and full of energy -- the more noticeable after the progressive lethargy I had been feeling for the past couple of hours.

I saw a number of people working on something to my left; I "knew" that I was the object of their concern and efforts. It appeared that they were wearing a dark but somewhat luminous red-coloured clothing; I thought this odd in that the hospital personnel had been wearing a greenish-coloured uniform. I could not hear their words, but sensed a low "hum" of what I assumed to be conversation and I was aware that they were very diligently engaged in some endeavor in which I was expected to be of some assistance. I was very strongly moved by a feeling of failure to meet my responsibilities by "copping out" and "running off."

The sense also came to me that I was having a near death experience ("Aha! So that's what it is!" I remember saying to myself) and also that "it isn't supposed to be like this" (the gnawing sense of having abandoned my responsibilities coupled with the lack of "tunnels" or "bright lights" or other paraphernalia from the NDE literature). I considered this for a few moments and decided that it might be wise to return to my body, lest the sense of failure increase. By this act of will (or so it seemed) I instantly returned to my body and the annoying pain. The "guilt" was gone, however -- as was the clearness of vision and alertness of mind.

Back in my body, I thought for a moment and wondered if I could get out again; I was very uncomfortable at that point. Instantly, I was back out, only now the working figures were to the front of me instead of to my side. There was no noticeable sound accompanying this exit. Again, I could see very clearly and the pain was completely gone. However, the sense of failure in doing my duty was back again. This time I gave serious consideration to the value of staying where I was and dealing with the sense of failure, or of returning to my body. After some very serious consideration, I decided that it was extremely unfair of me to stay where I was when others were depending on me, and so returned. As a test, I essayed to leave the body once more. This time, my efforts were unsuccessful.

In reflection, as I was on my way to undergo an angioplasty, I realized that during the entire episode, even the earliest moments, I had had no fear of dying nor did I consider any need or even desire to "make it right" with the Christian (or any other) god. Indeed, my overall impression of the entire experience and its related phenomena were extremely interesting, though physically unpleasant. My primary mental focus during the entire series of events had been on my regret for failing to accomplish the work project which I had been assigned and my desire not to put my co-workers out any more than I already had.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience: No

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes

Describe: I had had a heart attack. The attending physicians stated that my heart had stopped beating and that it took "the maximum number of electroshocks to restart it" (they did not say what that number was, nor did I have the presence of mind to ask).

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? I believe the above gives a fair idea. However, during the events leading up to the heart attack itself, I had felt progressively weaker and less clear-headed. An important concern had been on not getting nauseous in the cab (the poor cab driver was horrified that I might throw up in his taxi, a contingency which I tried to assure him was quite unlikely), and I was concentrating very hard on not deceiving the fellow in that regard. During the NDE itself, I felt myself to be very clear-headed and alert.

There was also a dispassionateness that was quite clear and real, though the sense of failure to meet my responsibility was over-riding. But there was no sense at all of "compulsion" or that I "had" to do something. Only a realization that I would be responsible for the results of my decision, for good or ill. This, however, was not a cause for fear or other strong emotional reaction; rather it was a simple realization of fact.

Was the experience dream like in any way? As I mentioned, it had many of the aspects of a lucid dream but I realized that it was not a dream as it had commenced while I was fully awake and in physical distress. I am not totally unfamiliar with the dream-state and the various mental constructs which can be created or experienced in that realm of perception. The experience had similarities to the state of lucid dreaming but was not -- to my understanding or belief -- a dream state.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body? Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body: I did not see myself. However, I had a total sense of continuity of self-identity. Or, to phrase it differently, whatever was outside my body was me, though I did not have the opportunity (or inclination) to examine what I looked like in that state. In fact, I had no concern whatsoever as to what my appearance might be.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I believe these are covered above. But, I can add that there was a sense of freedom, but one greatly influenced by my state of mind at the time. I sensed that my "guilt" for not completing my project could tie me down in some unpleasant way or be a hindrance of some sort in my out-of-body state. I weighed the possibilities that the sense might increase or eventually be conquered. I did not come to any definite conclusion, but decided that it *might* increase, which I felt would be undesirable.

I would add that I did not feel either fear or exaltation. It was merely a continuation (or culmination) of the preceding events and seemed entirely natural and reasonable. I was rather surprised that I was not afraid.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? Please see number 4 above.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? No

Did you see a light? No

Describe: To clarify: Not in the sense of the "bright light" so often described in NDE literature. However, as already mentioned, the hospital workers appeared to glow slightly in a dark or dull reddish hue. My visual sense was one of clarity, but there was no "bright light." I am curious whether the reddish hue might be described in some more or less reliable book regarding the human aura (if such exists), and perhaps represents a state of excitement or anxiety or some similar emotion?

Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes

Describe: I believe that the individuals I perceived on the two occasions and from two different angles were the hospital attendants who were trying to revive me, though for a moment that also subsumed and represented to me my co-workers as well. I did not see or in any way sense other "beings" and certainly no "supernatural" ones.

To the contrary, I had a feeling of personal solitude (which is one that I prefer when I am engaged in serious matters) and a sense that I was in a position to make my own decisions and judgments as to how the matter would proceed. I did not particularly want to meet anyone as I was quite absorbed in my own thoughts at the moment and would not have welcomed such an interruption.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No

Describe: Please see below.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? Uncertain

Describe: The attending physician said that they "had brought me back to life." Thus, I assume, that I had been clinically dead, albeit rather briefly. I understand from my co-worker that the attendants were extremely excited and told her "we brought him back."

I did not witness particulars of what was being done. The "sense impressions" of the moment seemed to be in the nature of intent on the part of the individuals I observed rather than on physical actions. My understanding was that I was watching "interior actions" on their part, rather than external ones.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? No

Describe: Unless you would call a realization of continuity of self-identity outside the body to be a "beautiful dimension." For me, it was and remains so, albeit a very personal dimension. I believe, however, that I could have created such a dimension in my own perception had I decided to do so. (This may sound very odd unless one is familiar with practices in lucid dreaming wherein one regularly modifies the dream construct in which one finds oneself to suit one's fancy.)

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes

Describe: I did not really have any sense of time at all, but space seemed quite different. There was me, a space (which did not seem to have limits) and the group of people working on my body. Or, perhaps from a different perspective, that I was on the edge of two entirely different "spatial constructs" -- one "behind" me and one which I could see ahead of me or to my sides. In considering the matter, I might say that my sense of time and space became for the duration of my NDE more internal rather than external.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes

Describe: I felt a confirmation of my own personal ideas of the after-death state to be present, at least in part considering the limitations of the experience. I also felt that my questions as to likelihood of continuity of self-identity to be at least somewhat answered (though whether I would have "continued" forever or for a greater or lesser period of "time" I do not know). To me, a confirmation of such, even to a limited degree, is definitely a form of "special knowledge" which not too many people have the opportunity to experience personally. For me, "faith" is no longer necessary and is not even desirable; indeed, faith strikes me as a sort of child's toy. I do not say this to be arrogant; merely that to me, faith is no longer of great personal interest or relevance.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Describe: Apart from the two different positions in which I found myself after exiting my body, I did not find any need to move "physically." I was busy thinking and considering my condition and my need to make a decision. I did have the sense, however, that if I decided not to return to my body in a somewhat expeditious manner, then I would not be able to do so. Thus, I think one might say that I had a sense of a "boundary" and what would happen if I "crossed" it. However, such would be a self-imposed boundary of decision and not an external crossing from one place to another. But there was a sort of a sense of being on a threshold, though again this was one which was more internal than external.

Did you become aware of future events? No

Describe: To the contrary, I had a profound sense of "now-ness" where there really was no time to be divided into past, present or future. What would (or might) happen was so closely linked to the "now" of what was happening that it seemed to be an integral part of it, rather than as a time divided from it.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body? Yes

Describe: I believe this is described in far too much detail above.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Yes

Describe: Over the past two years, I find that I very often have dreams about my co-workers that have some relevance to what is going on in their lives at the moment, sometimes down to very unusual minor details. I first started mentioning this to them jokingly. But I have found that very often they are astounded by the dreams. I also find lucid dreaming to be much easier and more fulfilling.

Most peculiar is a constant sense of being here (in this time and space) but also not being here. It is not an unpleasant feeling nor a "schizophrenic" sense of being split in two. Actually, it feels somehow more "complete" than my previous sense of the division between what we call "life" and "death" or "this world" and "the next." I rather feel a comfortable sensation of having one foot in each "world" and a concomitant sense of equilibrium.

However, I find the peace of mind that has remained with me from the experience and my desire to ensure an equanimity of mind (e.g., an avoidance of excessive feeling of responsibility) has been the most important "special gift." I believe that as some Buddhist philosophies teach, the final thoughts and "passions" of the mind at the time of death are the most critical. Therefore, I try to avoid "hindering emotions" which might result in feelings equivalent to the "responsibility guilt" which I felt during my NDEs.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes

Describe: I firmly believe that the jewish-christian-islamic belief in one life/one death followed by an avenging/rewarding judgment is totally irrelevant to my particular existence. I feel as though I, personally, had been liberated from subjection to a subtly alien and (to me) vaguely repugnant belief system which I never really cared for but which I feared wielded some power over me.

Conversely, I find a deeper respect and desire to learn more about certain Eastern belief systems, such as Buddhism and others which present existence in a context wherein the individual is the source of any "judgment" in the after-death state. This latter context seems more resonant with my own experience. All in all, I am much more confident in my own intuitions on such matters *as they pertain to me.* What may be the case for others, I do not know. And I do not believe it is of any great importance for me to know. I think the after-death experience may well be quite different for different people.

Contrary to many NDE experiences of which I have read, I feel no overwhelming urge to greater compassion or charity or other expressions of benevolence. (Nor do I feel any urge to the opposites.) Unlike many who claim to have had such experiences, I find my own to be uniquely and intensely personal -- a need for self-knowledge and improvement which does not involve others. I think that this may arise at least in part from a realization that I cannot really help another person in what is likely to be most needful until I learn to do so for myself.

Has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices etc.? Career choices? I find that I take life far less seriously than before, but ironically, I take the *value* of being alive far more seriously. That is, I do not see that my daily life with its joys, sorrows, and boring in-betweens, is all that important in any grand scheme; what happens is simply to be taken as it comes and dealt with expeditiously. But it is important to "take" what comes in a spirit of equanimity and dispassion and use it to learn and grow. This is an area where I find my thoughts (or mental impressions) very difficult to describe.

I guess what I would like to say is that I now see "life" (this life) as a schoolroom filled with exercises to prepare me for a more valid expression of my own personal existence as an independent entity. The exercises are not, in themselves, important. But they must be used for what is to come and for the experiential value which they seek to imbue. I must do my homework not primarily for the sake of the homework itself, but for the sake of what it will teach me beyond its immediate "grading." I must learn more about who the "I" is that popped out of my body and how that "I" can express its will and mental constructs in a way that will be positive. And I must discover what "positive' really is.

Have you shared this experience with others? Yes

Describe: I select my "others" with some care, since I don't think most people would even be interested, let alone believe me. The reactions have, by and large, been positive. However, I have a feeling that what I experienced may be of greatest importance to me as a learning experience rather than to others. I think that until other people experience the same, or a similar, event they can only react academically or emotionally, and not certainly experientially. And it is the experience, not the hearing of the experience, that I think is important. Those, for example, who are only titillated by hearing of such experiences probably garner more harm than benefit from the hearing.

What emotions did you experience following your experience? Great joy. And inner calm. And a sort of controlled excitement. All rolled into one. It was a very good experience, a supreme "learning experience." I am still amazed by it, and I consider it and the implications I perceive in it every day. I sometimes think of it as the spiritual equivalent of puberty. A whole new way of living.

What was the best and worst part of your experience? The confirmation of personal continuity of identity was, by far, the most spectacular part of the experience. The realization that my thoughts of the moment had such an impact on my mental state outside the body was the "worst" -- but perhaps also very good in that I learned (I believe) what I must work on to ensure a fully positive experience when I depart from my body finally without any option to return. All in all, the realization of continuity was frosting, I think. The cake was learning that my thoughts need working on. So, I suppose, there were only "best" parts to the experience.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? I have no sense that what I experienced must be universal. To the contrary, I tend to believe that what individuals will experience will be very much "self-generated" based on their beliefs, mindset, etc. There may be a "god" or "gods" who take some "souls" to their bosom; there may be "bardo" experiences similar to those described in the Tibetan Book of the Dead. I don't know, and I don't think it is important that I do know. I have the feeling that the moment of entering into the after-death state may be the most uniquely personal of all human experiences and that it is a realm where we voluntarily or involuntarily will create that which we find.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes

Describe: As alluded to above, I now concentrate much more on what I like to refer to as "maturing my thoughts." I also try to practice lucid dreaming much more seriously in that I believe that as I gain more control over my "living" dream-state, I will be able to "take charge" more effectively in the after-death state which in certain schools of Tibetan Buddhism is linked very closely to the former.

I also try to work diligently at distinguishing between the "me" of the NDE and the "me" that is the product of my own bio-chemical processes, my environment and my upbringing. The latter, I believe, is merely a temporary persona that the real "me" is currently using but which will pass away (rather like the "me" that was once a two-year old child whom I no longer consciously remember). I must work to learn the "real me" who is using this persona to learn and grow, but who is not identical with that persona. In a Buddhist context, I am trying to distinguish the genuine "me" from the aggregates (perception, thought, etc.) which *appear* to be "me" in this body and which I am somehow using to express my "me-ness" in this life.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No

Describe: I have, FYI, always avoided drugs because I do not like having my mind broken into and burglarized by foreign intruders. If I were told that I could repeat my NDEs by using this or that particular substance, I would avoid doing so. I am convinced, in my own case, that what I accomplish regarding NDEs or similar experiences must arise solely from myself or not at all.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes

Explain: I think so.
Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire? I think the questionnaire was very complete and I regret that I haven't the skill or wit to respond to it as it merits. Thank you for the opportunity to explain my experiences, however poorly. I appreciate the chance to do so and hope it may be of some use to you.

I received a telephone call last evening from an individual
identifying himself as an AT&T Service Technician (could also be
Telus) who was conducting a test on the telephone lines. He stated
that to complete the test I should touch nine(9), zero(0), the pound
sign (#), and then hang up. Luckily, I was suspicious and refused.

Upon contacting the telephone company, I was informed that by pushing
90# or #09, you give the requesting individual full access to your
telephone line, which enables them to place long distance calls billed
to your home phone number.

I dialed '0', to check this out, asked the operator, who confirmed
that this was correct, so please pass the following information on.

(l also checked out Snopes.com..this is true, and also applies to cell
phones!)

The GTE Security Department requested that I share this information
with EVERYONE I KNOW.
After checking with Verizon they also said it was true, so do not dial
90# or #09 for anyone !!!!!

DO NOT press 90# or #09 for ANYONE.

PLEASE HIT THAT FORWARD BUTTON AND PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!

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Biography Abbe Pierre

Abbe Pierre - Inspirational French humanitarian

Abbe Pierre, who was repeatedly voted France’s most popular man, died recently aged 94. His name at birth was Henri Grouès, and was born into a prosperous and devout Catholic family in Lyon on 5th August 1912; he was inspired to follow a religious life and in 1930 joined the Capuchin monks. He stayed for 8 years but, partly due to ill health, he struggled with the disciplined and ascetic life. Therefore, he left and became a priest in Grenoble. In 1942, he joined the resistance and helped to hide Jewish members of the community from the Nazi’s and Vichy police. Eventually, he was arrested, but he managed to escape and fled to North Africa to join the free French led by Charles de Gaulle.

In the post war period Abbe Pierre became a member of France’s national assembly, but felt he was able to achieve very little. Therefore, he decided to leave and set up a charity Emmanus in 1949. His charity was aimed at helping the homeless to find shelter. However, he viewed the traditional view of charity with almost contempt. He felt the most effective charity was when others were helped to help themselves. If charity was just a condescending gift from the rich to the poor he felt it would be of little benefit other than to appease the consciousness of the rich. The British based version of Emmanus says its philosophy is to “Giving people a bed and a reason to get out of it".

His charity also had a left wing association as he felt the resources from the charity should come from the unneeded surpluses of the rich. He was later criticised for his politics, in reply he said he knew nothing of left and right, the only extreme I support is upwards towards heaven.”

In 1954 he made an impassioned radio broadcast on behalf of the homeless. His words touched a chord with the French public he said

"My friends, help me, A woman has just frozen to death at three this morning, on the pavement of the Boulevard Sebastopol, clutching the document by which she was expelled from her home the day before ..."

Abbe Pierre became the unofficial spokesman for the homeless. He appeared to transcend religious and political differences of the country and was appreciated by a variety of sources. He was admired by Catholics, for presenting the best aspects of a living Catholic faith. At the same time he was also appreciated for his strong criticism of the Catholic Church’s conservatism. He spoke in favour of using condoms and was supportive of homosexual rights. He didn’t support enforced chastity for priests.

For many years he was in the public eye, but he didn’t like the inherent fame that was associated with his role. For several years he dropped out of the public limelight, spending time in semi retreat. However when he returned to the public limelight in the mid 1980s speaking again on issues such as homelessness his message again received widespread and popular support. It seemed many remembered his initial message back in the 1950s. Abbe Pierre also became a strong spokesperson against the nationalistic view of J. Marie Le Pen. Abbe Pierre disagreed that France’s ills could be pinned on immigrants. To the end of his life he supported the cause of immigrants especially in regard to housing.

Despite his war time record of saving Jewish people from the Nazi’s and his ardent opposition to the far right in France Abbe Pierre was dragged into controversy for his support of his long time friend Roger Garaudy. Roger had written a book claiming Israel had exaggerated the extent of the holocaust and had used it as an excuse for mistreating the Palestinians. However despite this episode his reputation was generally undiminished because of his sincere and fervent belief in the equality of men.

In the last years of his life he was frequently voted France’s most popular man. He actually asked to stop being nominated to allow “someone from the younger generation”. His successor was Zinedine Zidane the footballer and immigrant from North Africa.

His death united France in paying homage to a unique character who brought together many opposing factions, in particular he was a representative of the Catholic Church who was able to appeal to even those who were militantly anti Catholic. He stood for the ideals of serving others and living up to the Christian philosophy of “doing unto others as you would have done to yourself.”javascript:iconTag('HEART1');

By: R.Pettinger 23rd January 2007

NDERF Home Page

Experience description:

The evening of my NDE, I quite literally crawled to bed. I was so sick and in so much pain that I couldn't lift my own head without great effort. I remember crawling into bed and curling up into the fetal position and sobbing and rocking from the pain, I moaned, "Why me God? When is this going to be over, how much more can one person take?" Quite a normal litany under the circumstances.

Suddenly the tears stopped, the pain stopped, the confusion stopped. I became more clear headed in that moment than I had ever previously experienced. I KNEW what I had to do. I had to ask for it to be over. Simple. Or so I thought. I now know that nothing is SIMPLE.

I rolled onto my back, closed my eyes, and prayed for it to be over. "Please God, let me come home." I began to experience a small amount of fear or separation anxiety, so I immediately began the relaxation exercises I had been taught to help with the pain and anxiety I had experienced for many years.

Just as I felt myself relax, about to enter the alpha state, I felt a heat and a light move up my body. When it got to the top of my head, I felt a great pressure and the feeling of a void, no sound, no light, like being stuck in a vacuum. Suddenly there was a noise like the passing of a speeding train, a whoosh sound and I was moving it seemed upward through a dark colored tunnel filled with lights like stars around it.

With a flash of the most intense white light, I found myself standing before the Source. I hesitate to explain my experience at this point, as it seems to me that that part of an NDE is very individual and personal. I will suffice to say that the Source was a geodesic orb which emanated all I sensed, felt, etc. and that there were other entities present. I was told to turn and look at what I was leaving and where I was going, in order to make a good decision. In other words, is this what I really wanted, or did I just want the pain to end?

As I turned, I saw the Earth in the distance. My experience lasted 6 hours in our time, and as such it is impossible to accurately describe everything I experienced. I will say that I saw my future, my past, and was allowed to make my decision from my now, as well as being given an important life message.

My reentry into my body was very painful and I immediately felt that something was very wrong, like I got back in the wrong body or something. I got up slowly from the bed and looked in the mirror and got scared. I didn't recognize myself immediately. Many others didn't recognize me after the experience, as I underwent some intense physical changes in that short time. During the experience alone I lost 2 inches in height and 12 pounds as well as more cosmetic changes, hair, complexion etc.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? Yes

prescribed marijuana

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes

we currently have no words in our experience to adequately describe a "FEELING" or "KNOWING" the feeling that is the most difficult to describe is the pulse of light and feelings of acceptance and drawing that emanated from the "SOURCE"

I have heard this referred to as "unconditional love" but that only takes into account one of the "feelings" emanating from the Source.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes

Within the previous 6 months I had received 8 diagnosis from 8 different specialists, most of them auto-immune in nature.

At that time, my physician prescribed marijuana and told me to look elsewhere for my answers, as "they" could not even begin to explain why I was still alive, much rather how to "cure" me.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? conscious state to alpha state

Was the experience dream like in any way? no

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes

light and energy

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? noises upon leaving the body, whooshing sound only intense

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? Yes

Did you see a light? Yes

Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes

Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? Yes

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes

Suicide is not an option! There are many ways to commit suicide, all with negative consequences, spiritually, physically, mentally. We naturally choose suicide in some form here, the ideal passage will teach us to live and appreciate life. Really important to survive our suicidal human tendencies through to our natural end of physical life. We are here to learn how to survive ourselves, literally.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body? Yes

resignation and hope

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No response

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes

complete change of belief system

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes

Have you shared this experience with others? Yes

it is usually when others share with me therefore we both experience affirmation of our experiences and I have found this to be a useful tool in healing.

What emotions did you experience following your experience? fear, confusion, excitement, hope, love

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? wondering if anyone else has experienced extreme physiological changes after their experience
I continue to increase and decrease my height rapidly, and although it is medically documented there is no medical explanation for these changes. Sometimes the experience is painful and I can increase or decrease by as much as 3 1/2 inches at a time.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertainjavascript:iconTag('HEART1');